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finding my sanity in deviance
even my ignorance is ignorant
young & dumb
i felt so numb
i just wanted you there
when i needed someone
yet you pushed me away
and even when i wanted to stay
cons outweighed the pros
hard times, no one knows
trying to grow
even through your suppression
people thought they knew
but i always kept ‘em guessing
through all the bullshit, i never quit
even though you doubted me
i still gave it my best
even though you tried to hold me back
i still finished before the rest
now that i’m grown—out on my own
been that way since 16
found out early all i got is me
that’s the way it’s been
& how it’s always gonna be—-
i found me through all the adversity
never stopping despite your lack of faith in me
i found me through adversity
stronger now than i ever thought i could be
write anyways…drafts and finals are in the works…write anyways…you can edit, re-edit, and edit some more…but write ANYWAYS…moral: just write…because you can edit what you write…but you can’t edit a blank page…
If I had a second, maybe two, maybe I’d be able to explain how I feel about you. I don’t get how you can’t see it yet it’s as obvious as if the sun were missing. Maybe tomorrow…
It feels like we are just going through the motions; I could lean in to hold you, or act like I don’t even know you; seems like you don’t even notice. Seems you could care less either way. Maybe tomorrow will be a better day…
If I had the power I’d keep you forever, just here with me. Yet it wouldn’t be right because here’s not where you wanna be. Yeah, it’s that obvious; hiding things isn’t your specialty. How do I deal? I think maybe tomorrow it’ll be real.
I keep it all in—I don’t express it even when it hurts. I don’t want to be a burden. I don’t wanna be second best, next best, I’d rather be your all and nothing less. Yet every tomorrow you show it best.
I should’ve never let you lie to me. You love me but you don’t and that’s the harsh reality. I have to be the grown one in this thing—no more waiting on tomorrow. Tomorrow is never guaranteed to make me happy.
As the gusts of wind began to blow stronger; as he stood there with his arms crossed, frozen tears trickling down the sides of his face, he knew he would never see her again. He looked to the heavens, hoping she was looking down upon him and that she knew how much she was missed and dearly needed. He just couldn’t bear to suffer this pain alone; his daughter had been taken at a very young age, possibly never to return; now, his wife has passed, practically from a broken heart. Natural causes…what does that even mean? He knew what it meant; it meant simply that she couldn’t hold on any longer without her only daughter there by her side. He wondered if he could suffer alone; or would he be the next in the family to leave this cruel and unjustified world. He wondered. As he opened the front door, looking up to the heavens one last time; he swore he saw a cloud of light shine through the misty cold rain…he walked inside to warmth. Unfolding his arms, he looked around his house: empty…cold…hard. There was no sign of solace coming soon…he waited for what seemed like an eternity before moving from the spot he stood when he first walked back inside. I can do this. I must do this. Otherwise, their deaths are in vain. With that thought, he staggered to his room…tired and brokenhearted. Lying down on his plush, pillow-top comforter, he dozed off to sleep in the house he refused to call home with the ones he loved so dearly missing from the picture.