My Writing

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My writing…
I don’t usually let people in
It’s like the doors to my mind,
The windows to my brain
You see my thoughts & you feel my pain…
through my writing…

My writing…
A twist of fate
A promised lie,
A missed date
A refurbished smile…
You see my hate & understand my will…
through my writing…

My writing…
An opened door to my soul
As I walk the streets of my heart
Guided by the only things I know
As I destroy & reconstruct every part
Of the doors to my mind…
The windows to my brain…
You’ll see my thoughts & you’ll feel my pain…
through my writing…

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Where does the time go?

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haven’t written in a while, so i’ll start slow
sometimes i wonder, where does the time go?
as their faces change, and their hair grows
as i teach them their colors, numbers, & where the dot in the lowercase ‘i’ goes
as i watch them play outside through the open windows
i look at the clock and wonder, where does the time go?
sooner than later, they’ll be as grown as me
speaking fluent English and ever so much taller than me
with values and morals rooted like those of an old Oak tree
i hope they remember me–
as the times fly and the memories soak in
as the days turn to months & a new year begins
soon i’ll be watching new sets of little ones grow
because they’ll have their own and mine will be grown
as the sun sinks and the moon rises
as the months pass and bring new surprises
i can’t wait to see what the future has in store
but i am glad i get to hold on to them a little more

haven’t written in a while, so i’ll start slow
sometimes i wonder, where does the time go?
as their faces change, and their hair grows
as i teach them their colors, numbers, & where the dot in the lowercase ‘i’ goes
as i watch them play outside through the open windows
i look at the clock and wonder, where does the time go?

My Love

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no one knows how much i love you except the little conscience inside my brain telling me to mind my mind and leave my heart outta the equation…i just couldn’t help myself, i fell hard, hoping you can rise to the occasion…life’s not a fairytale, but you’re my prince charming…i know i’m safe in your arms, nothing in this world can harm me…like the roots of an old oak tree my love for you is binding…till now until forever, i want you right beside me…

Late Night Writing

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late night writing, at my wits end thinking, all thoughts lead to you as i write about love and emptiness…how this feeling feels and makes me helpless…how does it feel to feel reckless? maybe i should ask someone who knows me better than myself, maybe i should look into the mirror and ask thyself…does it matter if my matter resists? of all people, i chose you for my happiness…how does it feel, this feeling of restlessness? love is a windstorm and i am the debris…flying around like flocking birds to a tree…how does it feel, the knowing you have me? wrapped so tightly, your circulation depleting…i can’t destroy you, my helpless fool…i love you, like my writing, you’re my therapy…a therapeutic release, like sex on a high…like the moonlight on a hot summer’s night…an insomniac with a niche for sanity…with my late night writing, i’m at my wits end thinking…with all thoughts leading back to you…they will always lead back to you…

Unwanted Memories

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He called but it was too late
Told me he misses me
I said I missed who he used to be
Nothing like a memory
Chained doors, brick walls
Brick & mortar, sheet rock & missed calls
On my mind, but out of sight
Unwanted memories replaying in my mind
You told me what you wanted
I gave you what you need
Bent over backwards & lost sleep
Can’t remember how many times you played me
All the skirt chasing, alibis, and fake “I love you’s”
Unwanted memories tend to be my new muse
Some things will never change
I grew a backbone but your ignorance remained
Growing apart, months spun from lazy days
Love dissipates but memories remain
Same photo, different frame
Unwanted memories remind my brain
What we used to be, why we dissolved
You claim to miss me, but never loved me at all
Coming into my own, releasing the past
Unwanted memories dissipating at last…

Be Patient With Me

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If you truly love me, be patient with me…I’m not always going to be that nice, sweet, goofy, & sarcastically humorous girl that you first met…in fact, more than most, I’m going to get on your nerves…I’m going to annoy you…I’m going to get under your skin until you wish we’d never met, but be patient with me…if you love me, be patient with me…it’s not my intention to make your life hell, in fact i want to be the one who makes it all well, the one who wants to make sure you succeed and not fail, the one who loves you when the nights are long as hell…so be patient with me, if you love me, be patient with me…I’m going to be adamant and stubborn…I’m going to be egotistical and unpredictable…I’m going to be a handful, but I will also be irresistible…with my hands running through your hair, my constant support and never-ending care…I’ll love you without end, you’ll always know I’m there…so be patient with me, if you love me, be patient with me…I’m going to make it known that you are the only, the one I love, and no one else can have me…faithful and loyal beyond belief, so if you love me, be patient with me…some days I’ll be up, some days I’ll be down…some days I’ll be depressed, others the household clown…some days I’ll be shy, others as exuberant as the brightest light…some days I’ll be unnerving, others I’ll want to express an expression of plight…but be patient with me, if you truly love me, be patient with me…I’ll love you forever, this I know is true…and if you’ll be patient with me…I’ll vow to be patient with you…

Guilty Reading Pleasure: A Rant

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sometimes i barely make it to the end, what’s the point really? does it matter anymore than if i even start at all? what about the times when my hair doesn’t look right? my clothes don’t fall right upon my obnoxious awkwardness? the days pass with hours of lazy boredom; as i sit at my laptop working, pretending to love it, wanting to relive moments from my past when i was younger, braver, more of a risk taker; i am not so much anymore. from beginning to end to the beginning again, i start over thinking i missed something important only to find the complexity wasn’t worth it to begin to end it; what about today? what about tomorrow? will this change? or will it continue to burrow: into my mind, my thoughts grow with antagonistic ideas…wanting to relive my earlier years; when my body was smaller and my teeth were straighter; starting to wonder why does it even matter…life is what we make it, or so i have heard…sometimes i wish i was born with wings to soar high alongside the most high, an eagle would suffice or maybe an owl? insomnia being my friend lately the latter would describe my lack of sufficiency, lack of uniformity, yet also the acquirement of skill; my writing tends to improve when i am still, wanting to bend and break all the rules, but do it in a way that you love me still…i am just me, these are my thoughts; what would be the answer if i had asked if you ever loved me at all?