I’ll Always Love You

Standard
as tears fill my eyes and this lump builds in my throat
i’m constantly overthinking, rereading the words I wrote
how could i have been so stupid
how could i have been so blind
to question your motives, like you haven’t been here all the time
down from day one, never giving reason to question you
yet it’s hard to be ‘just friends’ if the love is true
‘friends & lovers’ can make it through
but i love you too much to be just friends with you
it may seem selfish, but i don’t want just half of you
i want it all or nothing at all
people make time for what they want
“this is just temporary”, you said…
“i still love you”, you said…
but your actions show me otherwise
some things are better left unsaid
if you don’t mean it, keep it
i don’t need to hear it…
it’s starting to make a lot more sense
it’s slowly getting clearer as the fog disappears from my vision
no longer obscured, i finally see
maybe, after all, we’re not really meant to be
right when i think i’ve found it
that’s when it turns around
you knew how to do it right
but you decided to make this change
so don’t get mad if i walk away
the freedom you’ve given me
holding on, i tried…
maybe it’s best if i just admit it & say goodbye…
i’m done wasting time
both yours and mine
i don’t know what this means for you
but i know what it means for me
breaking these chains of confusion, i’m done waiting
i refuse to be a last resort, a second best
i deserve to be someone’s everything and nothing less
it’s gonna hurt, true
but my heart will thank me, for this is for the best
admitting i was wrong for loving you
moving on and doing what i need to do
i guess this is goodbye
despite the fact i’ll always love you…
Advertisements

Guilty Reading Pleasure: A Rant

Standard

sometimes i barely make it to the end, what’s the point really? does it matter anymore than if i even start at all? what about the times when my hair doesn’t look right? my clothes don’t fall right upon my obnoxious awkwardness? the days pass with hours of lazy boredom; as i sit at my laptop working, pretending to love it, wanting to relive moments from my past when i was younger, braver, more of a risk taker; i am not so much anymore. from beginning to end to the beginning again, i start over thinking i missed something important only to find the complexity wasn’t worth it to begin to end it; what about today? what about tomorrow? will this change? or will it continue to burrow: into my mind, my thoughts grow with antagonistic ideas…wanting to relive my earlier years; when my body was smaller and my teeth were straighter; starting to wonder why does it even matter…life is what we make it, or so i have heard…sometimes i wish i was born with wings to soar high alongside the most high, an eagle would suffice or maybe an owl? insomnia being my friend lately the latter would describe my lack of sufficiency, lack of uniformity, yet also the acquirement of skill; my writing tends to improve when i am still, wanting to bend and break all the rules, but do it in a way that you love me still…i am just me, these are my thoughts; what would be the answer if i had asked if you ever loved me at all?